call me when you get this.

Dead.

2006-12-19T19:47:38Z

My life is falling to pieces. I can't stop crying. I wish I did something different, but I don't know what I did in the first place. He says I didn't do anything. I promise to wait but it hurts so much.
Today is the last day of the semester. One more class to go. And I don't think I want to come back. I just wanted to make him proud. I don't know what to do next. I really really don't. I just never thought something like this could happen. Could, not would. I feel so sick and unhealthy and alone. He's my best friend. My best fucking friend. I've never had anyone like him before.
I don't even have anyone to talk to. I haven't written in here in almost a year but it's the only place I could think to go to.

It should have been ours.

Aerosmith/Motley Crue tickets

2006-09-17T02:55:20Z

If anyone has $135 and wants to see Aerosmith/Motley Crue with me and Dan Sunday night, lemme know please.
6313872796

Sore.

2006-06-19T20:57:41Z

Where are the pictures from Mofokin Wrestling Night???

Bodies.

2006-06-01T17:25:53Z

I have a lot of things to say right now. Too many to sort through and put into writing here. Sorry. I miss everyone a lot. My next roadtest is soon. If by some miracle I pass, then...I don't really know. I suppose things will change.
Dan still makes me very happy. And I'm still in love. It's very nice.

killing_october @ 2006-05-13T13:29:00

2006-05-13T17:30:04Z

Mindless Self Indulgince tonight

killing_october @ 2006-04-28T15:09:00

2006-04-28T19:09:58Z

I SHOULD BE FREAKING OUT.

Welcome home, love.

2006-03-28T18:46:05Z

I saw Coldplay last night at Nassua. Val had won tickets but she and Josh couldn't go, and he called Dan two hours before the show. I don't listen to them, but the show was really good. I liked the lights. Very short though. They went on at 9:30, and were done a little before 11:00.

Went to the Bronx Zoo with Dan and Chris and Jes the day before. Dan had free tickets, but I lost them. He bought us new ones, and then noboy checked when we walked in. My favorite animals, the tigers, came right up to the glass. One of them pissed on it right in some womans face, going around marking territory. And there was this peacock, who thought he was tough shit, just struting around the park, in and out of exibits. Dan's got this big grudge against peacocks cuz he dosen't like the sound they make. And this other peocock was gruding on Chris, and kept turning around when he tried to take a picture. He posed for me though. There were wild black squirrels everywhere; Chris apparently didn't believe they exisited before then. Ohhh, there was a layered black/white/red squirrel in the mouse house doing backflips like nobody's business. We saw the giraffe last. She looked so, so sad.

no zoom neccisary

Been awhile.

2006-03-20T21:28:13Z

Your Birthdate: October 21

You're a restless rebel with an unpredictable nature.
Bright but unbridled, you tend to seek out wild experiences over new ideas.
People are frustrated by your great potential, but you love your unconventional life.
You're a heartbreaker. People get attached to you, and then you're gone.

Your strength: Your thirst for adventure

Your weakness: Not taking time for slow pleasures

Your power color: Hot pink

Your power symbol: Figure eight

Your power month: March

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

Wash your pants.

2006-03-20T07:20:18Z

The Wedding Singer. Broadway. May 20th. Anniversary.
psh.

Star songs.

2006-03-05T05:08:52Z

People are so easy to please.
(And so much easier to upset.)
It's disgusting.

Off beat.

2006-03-01T21:20:51Z

When I was about six, and some random realitive or acquaintance had given me Bridal Barbie for my birthday, I tortured her. I don't want to get married. Ever. It dosen't feel right, nor never did. I think it's partially the dresses fault. I don't like white. Most "white wedding's" aren't honestly a "white wedding" anyway. Then of course there's the dozen's of people you won't ever see until the next wedding or funeral. Did you know a majority of Scandinavian (that's four whole countries) couples never marry, but will remain together and have familes and whatnot for life? I feel like that's more real, more honest and romatic and natural.
Before he was even my boyfriend, he asked me to be his date to his brothers wedding ten months away, immediantly after I told him I dislike the concept of weddings in general. I've been proposed to a month or so ago. I know he wants marrige and a wedding. I just can't do that in a traditional sense. And for the fisrt time, it hurts to feel that.

Sometimes.

2006-01-20T20:27:50Z

Two months today.
Feels like two years.
I've never been happy like this before.

Other than this.

2006-01-19T20:44:58Z

I miss jewlery.

Dance, dance.

2006-01-14T01:06:08Z

Life is okay.

This new life.

2005-12-19T21:17:50Z

Nothin to it.

Your name here.

2005-10-20T22:40:41Z

~~Eighteen tomorrow.~~

Eighteen today.

Til tomorrow.

2005-10-12T15:31:49Z

"Safe"

That's the word which comes to mind when I think of you.

Hey Sugar, eat your fucking brains out.

2005-10-02T20:45:32Z

After a rad day at work, I was fortuante enough to spend a few hours with not just Matt, but also Hannson, Filandro and AJ. A group I never chill with with. And it was the most fun I've had in awhile. I spent the entire time dancing. You couldn't miss it, I wouldn't/couldn't stop. I was ridicuously thrilled the whole time. Not a bad thought in my head. And thinking about it later, after the dancing had ceased, I realized that I dance uncontrolably when I'm trully happy. Only then. And that is the absolute best.

Oh, yeah... and Steve's snake tried to eat me.

Lets be strangers.

2005-09-30T21:35:05Z

Go east on Sunrise Highway,
Turn left at Carmen's Avenue,
Go right at the first stoplight,
And I'll be outside waiting for you.

Chris drove Jes and I out; we followed the lyrics to a Straylight Run song and ended up in Massepequa. At a dead end. Or maybe back where we began. I wasn't quite sure which it was meant to be. Either way, how symbolic. That night felt good. I don't talk to Chris as much as I used to. Or a lot of people really. These past few days I've been calling the ones I miss. I actually talked to Brad a couple hours ago, which was great, and I spend my Friday's with Katie now.
I've been doing plenty of thinking latley. I blame one of my professors, Dr Kohl. I have her for two classes in which everyone seems to find her absolutley bizzare. But I think she's a genious. We listened to Beetoven. She was comparing musical comosition to stories. How all music tells a story. Star Wars, and Indiana Jones; that's what she kept relating it too. Yoda is her hero. I'm making all these plans based on what I've learned from her. I'm jumpy. I keep dropping classes. I don't like school. And you know what? Dr Kohl is the first person whose said to me what I knew all along. "It's okay not to go to school." And last night, after all my classes and work, just sitting in AJ's car with Matt, things felt like they should.

The other morning found a bird. It was dead. So I burried it. It was beautiful.

Oh, I'll be waiting for you.

Loaded.

2005-09-12T02:47:30Z

College dosen't do it for me. I don't want anything to do with it. I miss painting.

A furious winter.

2005-09-01T04:31:02Z

My boss Dennis, the manager of Electronics and Appliances, put in his two weeks notice. Nobody knew, it was all hush hush. When he told our cunt of a district manager, Marlene, that he got a job at Lowes, she had him removed from the building by security, since Lowes is a competitor. Both Electronics and Appliances are managerless right now. Marlene has had it in for Dennis because he makes so much money, quite possibly the most in our store. She's been trying to pay Dennis out of his job and find a new manager for way less of a salary. This is like what happened in school last year with D'avino. It's crap. Dennis spent 32 years at SEARS, and they had him removed by security. They didn't even let him say good bye. I know he's been uphappy there, and never liked Marlene. I hope he's better off at Lowes. He really was a great guy.
I also found out Tom from Appliances may be leaving soon too. He's aiming for an airport security/border patrol type job. Tom's a funny guy. Helps me more with my deparment than my actual fellow Electronics buddies. We've been watching all the reports on Hurricane Katrina and Tom thinks it's funny as hell. I know that sounds sick, but you've gotta know him.
I've just felt so damn awful all day.

Goodnight.

2005-08-30T19:28:03Z

Out with friends often. Spent some time in Northport Village, where I had the happiest looking ice cream cone I've ever seen. Raspberry and cotton candy. Such pretty colors. Delcicious. Amanda gave me cucumbers. That was also delicious. School starts Thursday.

Before midnight.

2005-08-28T04:47:08Z

anoutcryofmurder: shit
anoutcryofmurder: lets get old
anoutcryofmurder: actually
anoutcryofmurder: lets not
anoutcryofmurder: ever

It's been a good summer. Not the greatest, but it's up there. I'll remember it. I love everyone.

Deciding what to do next is the hard part.

2005-08-18T22:42:16Z

Art shit with Jesse and Chris last night.
Oh, and I saw Miss Feitz (one of the 8746373 art student teachers we had last year) in Trader Joe's. It was really nice to see her. I don't care what everyone else said, I really liked her. She got a job and will be starting September. Good for her.

I kept putting off posting these pictures, and they just keep accumulating. I stopped using my camera cuz it's crap. Most of these I've collected from everybody else.

prom

I DIDN'T FIND THIS FUNNY AT ALL.

THAT BOY WAS MY DATE.

PARTY CRASHERS!!!

WE'RE STUPID.

graduation

WE SEEM SO HAPPY, DON'T WE?

matt's grad party

random

Call me back home.

2005-08-17T22:34:20Z

Work was ridiculous yesterday. I was by myself again, and I got swamped as soon as I got in. We had a multi hour mess with one customer, this woman who bought our most expensive camcorder, and then wanted over a thousand dollars worth of ipods and assesories for them. She didn't know shit about any of it, and the ipods wouldn't ring up, and theres all this security crap involving them, blah blah blah. The woman disapears for about an hour after taking her kid to the bathroom, finally comes back, and a manager Christine, head of security Clara, Tom from homegoods, and Demirti were all sent over to help me out with her. Long story short, her credit cards were rejected, she went downstairs, I realized she stole a video game and when I called security, they already had nailed her for stealing a hat. I was so frazzeled. And I still had a ton of other customers.

Being as it was Tuesday, Pumpy picked me up and we ended up running into Jeanie, Austraila, Kelli, Nikki, Deanna, Derek, Chase, and his girlfriend Bree. (Andrew Dimartino dosen't count.) I was so psyched though, to see everyone, most of whom I haven't seen in a really long time. Derek and I used to pass as twins, we were always together, since first grade. And Deanna and I were so close and so bizarre for years. And Chase, god, he was my fucking hero back in ninth grade. Things have certainly changed. I was beyond happy seeing everyone in one place. Such good memories with them all.

It was a good night.